* DISCLAIMER: I am sparing no details, so to my single friends who want to have kids someday, and don't want my trauma scarred into your brain, consider skipping this entry! Ignorance is Bliss!*
All week I'd been having major Braxton-Hicks. They would come on really strong at night. Usually from around 11pm-4am. Kat was happy to hear that and said to expect to go into labor sometime during that window of time. My low back hurt more and more every day. One night, I could hardly get out of bed, it hurt so bad, I just stood at the side of my bed, hunched over, leaning on the bed, waiting for the pain to subside so I could walk to the bathroom. Everyday I felt worse then the day before, so everyday I was sure I was going to go into labor that day, and then nothing would happen.
Wednesday around 11am I was in the shower and had a really bad contraction. They came and went all day and by around 4 pm they were really coming on strong, but very inconsistent. I would get a few every 5 minutes, and then a couple every 30 minutes and then more close clusters. I told Dave that if these don't amount to anything I will be very surprised.
Around 10 pm they were still coming on strong, but inconsistent. Dave was a trooper trying to stay awake with me since there was no way I could sleep through them. I sent him to bed though. He had been boxing earlier that day and I knew that if this were the real deal I would need him rested. I went to bed and just laid there. Too much pain to really sleep. They started getting closer and closer together. At 12:30am I started timing them. I lost my mucus plug around this time. It was different then I was expecting. It was more gelatinous, then mucus with a yellow tint. It was two small balls followed by blood. I woke Dave up around 1am to be with me and help me time my contractions. They were consistently around 4 minutes apart. He called Kat and she basically said to get comfy cause it was going to be a long night for both of us. Ha Ha and it was.
We stayed in bed for a few hours but eventually I got up and started walking around the house. My favorite spot was on the red workout ball, or leaning on the kitchen counter. Dave sat behind me while I was on the ball and put pressure on my back or helped me with my breathing. It was so nice having him there and engaged in what was going on. At 6 am I told him to call Kat and tell her to get her butt over here. I needed something new. A new face, a new voice, a new distraction just something to switch things up. Plus I really wanted to know how far I was.
Kat got here around 8 am ( I was so mad it had taken her so long) but she was wise to take her time and let me do my thing with out any interferences. She started setting things up right away and had the pool up in no time. She checked me around 8:30 am and I was dilated at a 5. (More anger from me. I thought for all the pain I had endured I would be farther along!) To get things moving along, Kat wanted me to sit on the toilet for a while. The sitting really allows everything to open up and help the baby move down. We went into the bathroom and I sat through my first contraction. I wanted to die. The pain, up till that point in my life, was more then I had ever experienced in my life. Obviously it was working and it was helping Mila's head mold, but man it hurt. I told Dave I couldn't do it and he reminded me it was what Kat wanted me to do to get this baby here. Then I had my moment Dave had been preparing for. I looked him right in the eye, with fumes spewing from from mouth, ready to tear him to shreds and said,"I don't give a shit what Kat wants! Now get out!" He left the bathroom probably feeling a little uncertain of what to do (so sorry Boo!). Once he left I sat on the toilet and mustered my way through 5 contractions. I just needed to be alone for a few minutes. I stood up and talked to myself in the mirror. Told myself to get it together! That I am strong and I can do this, and I can do hard things. I put my game face on and walked into my bedroom.
I got into the birthing pool. That really helped my through the next little while. The water was a great change of scenery and really seemed to help with the pain. I know I was in transition. The contractions were almost unbearable. I remember at this point thinking to myself, "What the hell was I thinking wanting to do this at home? I have to be the stupidest person I know! The next baby will definitely be delivered at the hospital, with the drugs! I know about all the side effects those drugs could have, and I don't care. I WILL be using them!" I was in there for a short while and Kat checked me again. It was around 10am that I was dilated to a 10 and it was time to push. Finally! I had been in labor for 10 hours! (10 hours of moaning around the house in nothing but a sports bra. I even remember making a comment about how I can't believe I'm just walking around naked, like it was no big deal. Ha Ha, something that was kind of unexpected for me) I was so excited to hear it was time to push her out.
First we started out of the pool, pushing while squatting. My water still had not broke, so that was number one on the list. After a few pushes in that position my water broke, right at the foot of my bed. I could instantly feel Mila's head drop down and put a ton of pressure on my pelvis.
Back to the pool for the main event, or so we thought. This is when things really got rough for me. I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed, and we got no where. Kat had me get on all 4's and I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed, and I felt a little movement. Don't worry, it was just my bowels. Kat was behind me and had reached between my legs to feel if the baby and moved at all, and I pooped right on her arm. I had no shame, I kept on pushing. Its weird how your body just takes over and does what it is innately programed to do. I was so nervous about pooping in labor, I would lay awake and stew about it at night! No joke. But in the heat of the moment, I just did not care that I pooped on another human beings arm! (Sorry Kat) I was so nervous about this because of the magnesium I was taking for the pre eclampsia. It makes me poop, quite loosely, every morning around 9am-10am, so I knew if I was in labor in the morning, there was almost no avoiding it. Once I started pooping, it was like a leaky faucet I couldn't turn off. It didn't all come out at once, it just dripped out, little by little, with each push.
More pushing with no movement. I remember laying in the pool wishing I would die. I just could not fathom anymore pain, and I did not want to go through another contraction. Then, another contraction came, and I pushed through it, and I did not die. This went on for what seemed like forever and I called out to God, begging for help! I knew that I could not do this alone. Kat had me pushing 3 times every contraction. Poppy would suck back in after I pushed. So it was like taking 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. We just were not getting any where, only poopier. I've never before experienced more agony in my life.
Out of the pool, Kat realized that I actually had a second sac of water, that still had not broken (apparently its common to have 2) so they put my on my back, propped up against the wall with pillows behind me. Kat broke my water and again I instantly felt her head move down. There was meconium (baby poop) in the water, which was cause for major concern. If there is meconium in the water, there could be meconium in the baby's lungs. The pushing marathon continued. She still was not moving down. Her head was actually caught on my pelvis. So with every push, Kat pushed back my cervix to allow Mila more room. The pressure of her head, plus some fingers...I don't even have the words to describe the feeling. Still no movement, so I went back to squatting. Dave held me up with his arms under my arms. I was like a dead weight. I was too exhausted to support myself at all, so he held me up while I pushed. I actually thought to myself, "I wonder how he is able to hold me up. I weigh so much and he went boxing yesterday, his arms must be exhausted. Plus he didn't get any sleep to recover." Ha Ha I don't know how I could have such a cognitive thought among all the goings on. Back to the ground. They were feeding me honey for energy and Emergen-C to keep my electrolytes up. After each push, the midwives checked Poppy's heart rate. It started to decelerate to a speed they were not happy with. The senior midwife, Kelly, who I'm not a huge fan of anyway, was really starting to freak out, about the heart rate. Kat was not as concerned. Kelly looked at Dave and I and said, " Do you believe in God? If you do you need to start praying." She said it all condescending and "born again". It really bugged me. Then she said suggested transporting us to the hospital. The thought of getting up and walking to the car and actually driving the 10 minutes to the hospital was out of the question. Kat somehow got my attention and coached me to push. I told her I couldn't do it. Margo, Kat's assistant, who is a member of the church, very sweetly and lovingly looked at me and said, "Jessica, Heavenly Father is here with you. He is helping you through this. He is not going to leave you alone. Now we need to get this baby out of you, so we need you to push." It was just what I needed to hear. I seemed to get a 2nd wind, or more like 12th wind at this point. We were back to pushing. They all pushed my legs toward my chest to open my pelvis. It seems at that point I pushed through maybe 10 more contractions. And then: the "Ring of Fire"! Oh the burning! As she was coming down, everything opened up and it burned! I was actually feeling my vagina stretch apart and open up. "I fell into a burning ring of fire...and the flames went higher. And it burns burns burns, the ring of fire. The ring of fire." Thanks Johnny Cash, you said it perfectly! They were telling me she was crowning. Dave said he could see her head and she has lots of dark hair! More pushing. I heard Kat say she had the cord around her neck. Kat unwrapped the cord and once the cord was off, I gave a few more pushes and she was out! Feeling her come out was something I will never forget. She just slurped out, in 3 lumps, and she was on my chest.
She took a big gasp for air and let us know she had arrived with a good scream. She pinked right up. I couldn't believe she was here! Finally! As exhausted as I before, I now felt completely rejuvenated. Seeing her breathed new life into me. She was so perfect. I just looked at her and took it all in. Dave was crying. His emotions had been at the surface for a while. It was so sweet to see him so emotional over the birth of his baby girl.
With one push, the placenta was out. Kat was concerned I was bleeding too much and might possibly be hemorrhaging. So my second birthing anxiety came true...Kat tore off a small piece of my placenta and told me to eat it. I first put it under my tongue and left it there. Then i chewed half of it and swallowed it. It was actually tasteless, which was a relief. Also, very chewy, not meaty at all. More rubbery then anything. With just a small piece, my hemorrhaging stopped. The placenta is full of hormones the body needs to stop the bleeding, quickly. Luckily, I didn't have to eat the second half. They sucked out the meconium and water from her throat. Kat said there wasn't much inside her. The long labor actually squished it all out of her. After it stopped pulsating, Dave cut the cord.
Someone took the baby, probably Kat, and Dave helped me stand up. I was completely dependent on him for stability. As he walked me to the bed, I started to feel really light headed. I whispered to Dave, "I'm gonna pass out", and I did. Just for a few seconds, but he said I went completely limp, and when I came to I was laying on the bed. Too much blood loss, plus standing up too fast is what did it, I am sure.
Once I was comfy in bed I was wide awake and ready to be mommy. The adrenaline was really pumping and even though I had been awake for more then 24 hours, I was ready to keep going. I remember thinking how good I feel, considering. Kat was here for several hours after the birth, giving Poppy her tests and cleaning up and checking on me. At some point my mom arrived and it was a relief to see her, knowing that she would be there to help me take care of Poppy and also myself!
For the next 2-3 days I was still in shock. I couldn't believe that I had given birth to such a gigantic baby! 10 lbs 8 oz, 22 1/2 inches. Her head measured 15 inches in diameter! That totally boggles my mind to think that I could stretch that much to allow 15 inches to pass through! The human body is amazing!
The Damage and the Solutions:
1. Broken capillaries in my eyes.
Pushing so hard I popped a few, and I kind of look like a druggie. Not much I can do about it, just let them heal.
2. Hemorrhoids.
I've never in my life had them before and I hope I never in my life have them again! Again from pushing so hard and so long, they are almost inevitable. Of all the hurts on my body, this was my biggest complaint. These were not just your regular hemorrhoids. This was like a grape vine hanging out of my butt hole! I had hemorrhoids on top of my hemorrhoids. It was MISERABLE! Every time I stood up to walk, it felt like my butt hole was going to drop out of me. Ouchie-wah-wah! We did the hemorrhoid cream and I didn't really feel any relief (although I am sure it was doing something, just not enough to notice) until Kat gave us the midwife suggestion: to shove shredded potatoes into my crack. Dave would shred me a about a tablespoon worth and I would put it on gauze and then put them right on the hemorrhoids. It was so gross and SO granola, but it really helped. The potatoes gave instant relief and stopped the pain, and within a week, they were nearly gone. I am still finding little potato shreds in the bedroom and in the bed, they would just slip out while I walked! Ha Ha The worst part was the smell. Potato+butt+birth=NASTY!
3. Vaginal Tear
How could I not tear? 15 inches, remember? I tore about 3/4 of an inch. Kat can suture, but without any medications. Uhm, gee NO FREAKIN THANKS! Or she has a Dr. who will come to the house and suture with medications for $400. Again no thanks. So I decided to not do anything and let nature take its course. I had a perfectly straight tear, and Kat said it should heal up quickly because it was so straight. So, more granola moments going on down there...to help with the tear, I used iodine every time I peed. No toilet paper allowed, to keep the area clean and sterile. Then, I applied "Golden Salve" which really is a miracle salve! THEN, I applied a wet piece of sea weed directly to the cut. Apparently sea weed is used to help with cuts and burns. This stuff really works! Kat came over for a 24 hour check up, and the skin was already attached back together. Granted it was still fragile, but I could hardly believe it had grown together so fast! Nature really does provide us with almost everything we need. At a 72 hour check up, things were pretty much back to normal.
4. Fever
By day two I had come down with a really bad fever of 103. I would be in bed, freezing to death, piling on the blankets and while my insides shivered and shook. This would last for quite a while, and then I would wake up in a pool of my own sweat. Literally drenched in sweat. It was disgusting, and so uncomfortable. This cycle happened over and over again. Dave sat by my side and tended to my every need. The worst was his forcing fluids down me, knowing I would have to pee and then have to do my whole ritual to help my wounds. Those 2 fever days I completely relied on Dave for everything. I was so weak, he even helped me change my diaper! What a man. The worst part about the fever was that I was in no mood to be mommy. I didn't have the strength to hold her or take care of her, and in the middle of my fever thoughts I would think to myself what a horrible mother I am, and how can I not want to take care of my baby? Looking back now, I know I was just too sick to really care about anything. It was really bad. We called my uncle and got an antibiotic. He said infections were common in long labors. He also said if my fever doesn't break, I need to go to the ER, because it could be pelvic inflammatory disease, which can be deadly. That was the last thing Dave needed to hear. He didn't leave my side. He sat by me and nursed me back to health. Thank you so much Dave for taking such great care of me. Sorry for the scare!
Its all over now, and I have my little sweetie to love and take care of and, of course, it was all worth it, now that I can actually hold her in my arms and kiss her chubby little cheekies!
